Falling in love with your best friend ?? The first question mark in the title is when I asked myself, “Should I do this? ” And the latter one for, “Should I really do this? ” This is one thing where I have always lagged – in taking decisions. I could hear the wind whilst I closed my eyes; felt its tempest gush as it passed by me. For a moment I felt like I was never calmer than this, and that I had never been this way before; a heart of mixed feelings. I remained as I kept my eyes closed while I heard the birds chirp and the leaves brush the air. Hey, I’ve found a partner for myself for the annual competition! It’s high time you choose one for yourself as well,” said Rysa. “If you could only help me…” I said with a smirk. “My partner says his friend needs one too. Why don’t you talk it out? ” she said. There was hardly a month left when I met Rysa’s partner. His name was Troy and I asked him if he could get me on the phone with his friend. As I spoke to his friend, Luke, we decided to meet and see for ourselves if we could make a good couple for the jive competition. Soon we finalized the deal.
Rysa being my best friend and Luke being Troy’s, we decided to practice and prepare for the competition together on her terrace. In no time did we become the best of friends. And here I put forth, the few precious pages of my diary that I maintained until a few weeks back. My diary pages… 17th July’08: Today was our Annual competition and the four of us were looking beautiful like never before. Both the donkeys were gazing at Rysa and me as if they were waiting to get on the dance floor with beauties like us. I won’t lie, but today I was flattered like never before.
We were nervous to the extent of frozen fingers; our palms twisted between each other’s, our hearts palpitating and those crazily over smart “Yes we can do it” yells. The only strategy that Luke and I had was to enjoy on stage, irrespective of whether they even threw us out of the dais. And can you believe this? We were almost chatting whilst dancing! I just can’t get that thing off my mind; the hugs that the four of us exchanged as we left the venue; I still cannot figure out the guts that these boys gathered to convince Rysa’s and my parents to go out for a last get-together at half past ten in the eve.
We must have hogged to the extent of puking it all out at Madras cafe (Matunga). All of us giggled and shamelessly laughed today because we knew this was our last memory in store. I’m back home now and it’s 1 in the morning. I’m tired but I still have the energy to pen this down…I love my friends. 18th July’08: It was a slow morning and a fast afternoon today. Let me explain- Rysa called me all of a sudden to say that she had become so used to staying with the three of us that she just couldn’t sit at home. I then got a second call from Troy confessing the same.
And then called Luke (I wonder if they had planned to make me a fool), with the same feelings! It was now time for me, too, to confess that yeah, I was really missing the three of them. Solution? A heavy lunch. I have just reached home and we ate up almost half of the Khaoo Gali (Ghatkopar); and like they always do, Troy and Luke must have taunted me at least a hundred times on my king size appetite. I have hardly any capacity left to have my dinner and I’ll have to hear it all from Mamma again. All she wants from me is to inform her if I’ll have dinner at home, and I always forget to do that. We used to spend almost every Sunday together and as time passed by, the bond that the four of us shared, turned stronger and stronger. ) 16th October’08: How could I forget? It was Luke’s birthday today. Had it not been for Sheryl (my best friend in college), we would not have realized that we were missing something so special. Troy then decided to give a midnight surprise at his place. I was supposed to arrange for the cake and so Dad and I gushed to a cake shop at 11 in the night, before it shut down. And as Mamma rightly says, “All bad things pile up for the same time”, we could not fetch a single pineapple cake.
Luke hated chocolates. For that matter, even brown colour ever since he was born! In fact, his mom was saying that he used to pee only in his brown pair of pants when he was a baby. Thanks to Dad, he came up with an idea. “How about playing a prank? ” And so we took a redbull can, covered it with white cream to seem like a roll cake; so when he went to cut it, his knife was not able to pierce through the can. The funny expression on Luke’s face whilst cutting the cake was a snap worth million dollars… 31st December’08: I don’t know how to start, I’m going speechless.
It was the five of us (Rysa, Sheryl, Troy, Luke and me) attending the midnight mass at the OLPS Church. All was normal until we sat in the car to drive back home. All of them, except for Troy had something to confess before me; now that was something wacky. After 12 minutes of fumbling with words, Troy asked them to shut up and asked me if he could speak. And then he went on… “3 words- I love you. I am serious about every damn word that I have spoken and I expect a positive reply from you. Because I don’t love you for what you are, I love you for what I am when I’m with you.
If your answer is Yes, then today’s my day; and if it’s a No, then I want every reason why you regret being with me”. The four of them pierced into my eyes, very sure about the fact that it would be a YES from my end. But they didn’t realize what I was going through, not a single one out of them. I was almost numb when I gathered all my guts to say a big NO. On being questioned for my reasons, I went blank. Troy made it clear to me that it was either love or nothing at all. He was tired of hanging between love and friendship. That was the first day of my life when I had lost all discussions and arguments.
And now I remain all alone with no one, just no one around me. All I contain within me is a hope; a hope that Troy might just understand what I’m going through and all gets back to normal. I await his call tomorrow. 12th March’09: Not a great day though, which is why I suddenly ponder over how things have changed since that night, the Christmas Eve. Everything is so back to normal that all of us hardly remember what had gone wrong. We are again the way we used to be; we used to always (even today) meet only to eat. I thank god for maintaining that rapport that Troy and I always shared.
But the reason why I still hate that day is because of his high hopes, “I know you are going to come to me, if not now then maybe tomorrow”. That’s not happening Troy, good night… 16th June’09: Out of all the things in the world, today I decided to write. All I knew is that I was going to relate to my life. And so I decided to write on this experience. But before I could “go public” with this truth, I had to seek Troy’s advice. The only thing he said was, “Sure! Why don’t you go ahead? Let people know that there was this crazy guy and this stupid little confused girl who are still the best of friends.
It will only teach them to care for what they have in hand and not for that which is far away from them. ” I still don’t have a valid reason to say no to my best friend. And that’s where I ask this question to myself… “Should I do this? “Should I really do this? ” One YES can completely shatter our friendship. Because we youngsters are more comfortable and secured in friendship than we are in love; where in love comes a package of bonds, priorities, lies, unhealthy compromises and sacrifices. I can’t put my friendship at stake for these dreadful abstracts.
And that’s what I call it a “Youth Problem”. So here I give you an answer, for the questions that you put before me that eve, Troy- I hate you for being my biggest critic, I hate you for taunting me everytime I eat, I hate you for always supporting Mamma when we end up in a arguement, I hate you for loving me, But I can just not afford losing a gem out of my crown; the crown that makes me so complete, makes me superior than all the others, having 4 precious friends. If the 5 of us have survived jealousy for a year, then I don’t care if the Almighty is one of them… Thank you